Upcoming Book Has Title Change

I'm finally working on the ending of the new book. Just letting everybody know the tittle has been changed from Killer Cat to The Lost Slab. It should be released later this spring. Look for Updates.
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Rick

New Advances in Redneck Technology

Words of Wisdom

1.  A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
                               
            Rodney Dangerfield

 

2.  After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together..
                               
            Sacha Guitry

 

3. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
                               
              Socrates

 

4.   I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
                               
               Sigmund Freud

 

5.   The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.....
                               
               Ogden  Nash

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Rick

Go Bears Beat the Packers

The Rising Cost of Health Care

Your Duck is Dead--

A woman brought a very limp duck into a
veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the
table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and
listened to the bird's chest.


After a moment or two, the vet shook his head
and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."


The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I
mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left
the room. He returned a few minutes later with
a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked
on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put
his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet
with sad eyes and shook his head.


The vet patted the dog on the head and took it
out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled
out of the room.


The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as
I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. $150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"


The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."


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Rick

A Boy and His Dog

Words of Wisdom

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."


Babe Ruth


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Lyndon B. Johnson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Paul Horning
~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

H. L.. Mencken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

George Bernard Shaw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!

W. C. Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.

Professor Irwin Corey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group -Salvation in a can!

Leo Durocher
~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

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Rick

Happy New Year

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Rick

A Blast from the Past

Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He
Probably made as many, or more important
Decisions regarding our nation's history as
Any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him.
However, a measure of his greatness may rest on
What he did after he left the White House.
The only asset he had when he died
Was the house he lived in, which was
In Independence Missouri .
His wife had inherited the house from her
Mother and father and other than their
Years in the White House, they lived their
Entire lives there.
When he retired
From office in 1952, his income was
A U.S. Army pension reported to have
Been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting
That he was paying for his stamps and personally
Licking them, granted him an 'allowance'
And, later, a retroactive pension of
$25,000 per year.
After President Eisenhower
Was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home
To Missouri by themselves. There
Was no Secret Service following them.
When offered corporate
Positions at large salaries, he declined,
Stating, "You don't want me. You want the
Office of the President, and that doesn't
Belong to me. It belongs to the American
People and it's not for sale."
Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was
Preparing to award him the Medal of Honor
On his 87th birthday, he refused to accept
It, writing, "I don't consider that I have
Done anything which should be the reason
For any award, Congressional or otherwise."
As president he paid for all of his own
Travel expenses and food.
Modern politicians have found a new
Level of success in cashing in on the
Presidency, resulting in untold wealth.
Today, many in Congress also have found a way
To become quite wealthy while enjoying the
Fruits of their offices. Political offices
Are now for sale. 
Good old Harry Truman was correct
When he observed, "My choices in life were
Either to be a piano player in a whore house
Or a politician And to tell the truth,
there's hardly any difference!
I say dig him up and clone him!!


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Rick

New Rules for the New Year

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE=. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

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Happy New Year

Rick

God Bless Us... Everyone

 

Merry Christmas to All